Clown Jokes

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Clowns are naturally funny by nature, but clown jokes are even funnier! Check out some of our favorite clown jokes below and share them with your friends for a good laugh! Got some favorite clown jokes you'd like to share with us? Leave a comment below!

Some of Our Favorite Clown Jokes

Clown Jokes


Words from Archibald....


Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage

Burglarize: What a crook sees with

Control: A short, ugly inmate

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living

Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does

Leftbank: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

Misty: How golfers create divots

Paradox: Two physicians!!

Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

Pharmacist: A helper on the farm

Polarize: What penguins see with

Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the

Relief: What trees do in the spring

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife

Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official


Grandparent Jokes

Grandpa

Kissing the Toilet Paper

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"  I will  probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

Happy Birthday

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.  He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.   My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,  "Did you start at 1?"

Who Was THAT?

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,  "Who was THAT?"

Childhood Memories

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.  "We used to skate outside on a pond.   I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods."The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in.  At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

You're Old

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''  "You're both old," he replied.

I Can't Read

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.  "What's it about?" he asked.  "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

Know Your Colors

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out  something and ask what color it was.  She would tell me and was always correct.  It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors  yourself!"

Fireflies

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,  we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.   Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

Look In Your Underwear

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."  "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised  "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

How to Make Babies

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said.  "How do you make babies?"   "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

Children's Logic

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:  "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."   The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.  "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

The Dalmatian

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog's duties.  "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

Airport Living

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.  Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

Smart Grandpa

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good  things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

Gas Leaks

My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over,  you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.


What your Momma Clown Should Have Told You:

A Clown woman goes to see her Minister and asks, “John and Harry are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?” The wise old Minister answers, John will marry you. Harry will be the lucky one.


If a man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?


My father says, “Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.” I said, “Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I’m a schmuck?”


Clown Marriage advice: “Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?”

Clown proverb: “A wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”


Some words we should all know....

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Negligent (adj.),a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
    from Washington Post
    Posted on 2/20/2012




    Blonde Joke

    Blonde Joke
    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.  He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. 

    The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.  Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

    A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

    "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

    The blonde says, "Don't worry."

    She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

    She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

    The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

    Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

    The man is astonished.

    He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

    The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

    It says..

    "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."



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